One warm, summer day in July 2008, in Dallas, Texas, a 33 year old female came to my office for consultation concerning her broken marriage and deep sense of loneliness. She appeared very anxious and uncertain. She stated, “I do not feel close enough to my mother or father to share my story or seek their advice.” She started crying while talking about her grandmother as the only person she could trust before before her death two years previoiusly. She had difficulties trusting men, including her own father. She continued complaining about loneliness and not being able to connect with people. She did not have any close female friends. She was married to an emotionally distant man, who was not affectionate.
During our meeting, she was encouraged to connect to few of her positive old friends, attend church and give some of her free time to families in need of her assistance. Before I finished with this suggestion, she appeared angry and serious, stating that, ” I’ve attended church in the past, and it did not help me connecting to God or finding peace in my life. I am mad at religion and God, all together. My prayers are never answered. Whatever I asked from God, I do not get it. I’ve been praying for more love and affection from my husband. Instead, he is becoming more distant. What am I doing wrong?”
It was obvious that this young lady was very hurt due to her own failure to make connections. She appeared desperate to have associations; to be able to relate to family and friends; to create relationships with meaning and purpose in her life. She needed to find access to her internal power to enable her to make dynamic associations on all levels. Her method of evaluating people, her expectations from people, and being spiritual as a purpose, not as a goal, had to change.
After this long visit, we concluded that, to truly find fulfillment, she must begin to focus inward and reconnect with unlimited sources. She needed to find a way of connecting her PC (brain) to the Internet (universe) to gain broader perspective. She agreed that, with this new way of thinking and this new vision, new associations would become possible, and her energy and level of enthusiasm would raise.
Everyday we make hundreds of associations with people, objects, colors, music, and past events. Being aware of our feelings attached to these associations, will give us greater control over our happiness. Sometimes during our daydreaming process, we associate past events and future anticipations with pain and fear. The outcome of this is anxiety, mood changes, anger, and sadness.
Every pattern of thinking we form, and each decision we make, is filtered through positive or negative associations. If we associate smoking with pleasure and a sense of relaxation, we form a belief that smoking is enjoyable. If we associates helping people in need with kindness and fulfillment, then we view giving as rewarding and spiritual gain.
In order to make a positive association, first we must have clarity about what we want. Second, we need to evaluate the level of pain we are feeling, related to our current negative habits and behaviors. The intensity of our emotional pain must motivate us to create a passion for change. Most of the time the problem is not capability or knowledge, rather it is a lack of motivation. As a result of our long-term pain we must create a sense of urgency for change. Not “some day,” or “one day,” in the future. New decisions should be associated with a higher level of confidence and joy. For example, there is no logical reason to continue feeling frustrated and unhappy with being over weight. This long term pain must change to passion, following with the action to create a sense of empowerment: today, and now.
Scientific research, mixed with common sense, indicates that everything we observe and that comes to our imaginations is moving. Nothing is static or remains unchanged forever. Movement means constant and gradual transformation and change. Also it is logical that movement and change create energy. The process of producing energy takes place in the context of contacts and connections. Therefore, connections and movement generate all forms of energy. Energy is fuel for everything, including fuel for us as a human beings to survive and create passionate living.
Our identity and personal growth as individuals is based on associations and relationships. You walk into your new doctor’s office and immediately feel uncomfortable. This negative feeling comes from the difficulties you anticipate in having to make a comfortable–and meaningful–connection with this doctor. If both of you, create self-awareness in making a positive connection, it will happen. We must evaluate and anticipate the benefit of making such a connection. We must be in touch with our intentions and feelings.
From the moment we are born our existence depends on different levels of connections. If we are raised by our biological parents, genetic and biological bonding create a strong desire for them to provide us with survival tools, such as love, affection, social contacts, and physical needs. During the process of creating meanings and building values and beliefs, we learn to connect to family members, friends, peer groups, and ultimately to God and to the universe. From an early age we recognize a strong need to be accepted, loved, and recognized by others. To the best of our ability, we try to fulfill these needs .
Obviously, during this journey of connecting and building identity, we face many obstacles, and disappointments. Gradually, we learn that even the people closest to us will not meet our expectations. In order to survive we are forced to build a false-self and accumulate toxic emotions and ways of thinking. Consequently, we have a higher chance of failure in building a healthy personality, particluarly if you are raised by parents with a tendency toward anger, abusive behaviors, depression, addiction, or low self-esteem. As a result of this bumpy road on our journey of growing up, fear and insecurity become our survival tools. Due to a lack of training and proper coaching, we face difficulties in solving problems by using communication and healthy connections. Instead, we use our insecurity and fear, to fight, reject, and disconnect.
After years of suffering from emotional pain, confusion, and low self-confidence, some of us seek constructive solutions. We make a conscious decision to look for meaningful and passionate methods of connecting to people, building our true-selves, and ultimately relating to the power of the universe. We must expand our vision to create a higher level of connection and release ourselves from low level sources of energy.
The first step is to move above the problems we are facing. In order to discover the solution, we must distance ourselves from the problem. When we are flying, looking down, we see everything small and less intense. During flying, we are able to see things that we never had a chance to see from a different perspective. Beingmultidimensional in our thinking, requires a higher level of energy, and detachment, from the problem. We must create new associations, with a vision bigger than ourselves.
We achieve this goal, simply by learning more about the discoveries, related to oceans, space, the human body, and stories of fascinating people. Reading the stories of these hard-working and dedicated individuals, brings the miracle to the reality of everyday living. People who traveled difficult journeys, with great success, motivatate us to move beyond our current limited imagination and fly to higheraltitudes in search of solutions.
Earlier tonight, February 17, 2010, I watched an amazing young man Vancouver, Canada wining an Olympic gold medal. He won his first gold medal in Turin, Italy, in the 2006 Olympics. Shawn White, at age 23, has been snowboarding since age 9. He was born with a congenital heart defect. Shawn endured two open-heart operations. His determination, and associating confidence and passion with snowboarding, distinguish him as one of the most accomplished athletes.
The story of Stephen Hawking is another source of motivation for all of us. Hawking is a world-renowned scientist ,with 30 years of research and teaching. He has a neuro-muscular dystrophy that has left him almost completely paralyzed. Still, with his condition, he dedicated his life to discovery of a larger universe. His energy comes from a strong faith in the power of his brain, and connections to all sources of energy in the universe, the way he knows it. At 68, he is never short of reason a to live with passion. He depends on a source that has unlimited power to draw energy from. Professor Hawking stated: ” People are fascinated by the contrast between my very limited physical power, and the vast nature of the universe I deal with. My goal is simple. It is complete understanding of the universe.”
The crucial step is, building faith in the power of our brain as a very sophisticated PC and its connection to the magical inteernet of the universe. How to make this connection and create a constant flow of energy, will be the topic of our next discussion.
Call (214) 727-7717 to schedule your appointment today!